Can I fast Forward in time please

Can someone please hurry up and design a time-machine that can take me into the future? I would like to fast-forward to Monday 10th July 2006.

Hopefully by then, an England team of over-paid ponces will have returned home weeks ago without a trophy, messers Rooney, Beckham, Crouch et al will have "broken" more metatarsels and all the talk of bloomin' football will have finished!

I wonder what odds Ladbrokes will offer me for the BBC 10 O'Clock, or 6 O'Clock news not containing any world-cup related stories before then? I reckon I'm on to a winner there!